So Far Away
by HavenTitania
Summary: When Severus decides to take Cassiopeia Dean as his own personal slave, Cass is afraid, confused, and willing. She loves her Headmaster, even if he'll never love her back.


Soft gasps echo throughout the room, little whimpers of pleasure entwined with small whining noises begging for more. Long golden curls splay over black silk pillowcases, pouty lips parted in bliss as dark emerald eyes slip closed. Flickering candlelight illuminates a porcelain, heart-shaped face coated in a thin sheen of sweat. Her dark emerald eyes force themselves open to stare at the man rocking into her petite body, searching fruitlessly for any sign of affection, or any emotion at all. Nothing plays across the ghost-pale face, nothing reflecting back to her in those obsidian eyes.

Cassiopeia Dean only wants him to love her.

(Severus refrains from kissing her during this, from showing affection.)

Her breath catches in her throat as her second orgasm rushes through her, leaving her a screaming, writhing mess. He continues to pound into her forcefully, like her clenching muscles around him aren't enough. He suddenly pulls out and flips her around, then slides himself into her tight ass. She gasps and buries her face into the pillows, rocking back into his hard thrusts. She whimpers into the soft pillows, hating and loving the strange sensation, then reaches down and rubs herself slowly. She knows he doesn't care about her own pleasure; he just wants to use her and move on.

(Severus isn't really like that, but he comes off that way. He wants her to hate him, so he won't hurt her so much.)

She feels his thrusts get sloppy and harder, and knows that he's finally close. She rocks herself back onto his cock harder, small whimpers leaving her mouth once more. He lets out a low groan and finally comes, making her whine slightly at the feeling. He flips her back around and collapses on top of her, his hands cupping her face, his lips moving frantically against hers.

This is what Cassi lives for.

(This is what Severus _needs_.)

He kisses her like she means something to him, like he's about to die and she's the only thing that's been on his mind.

That's what she likes to think to herself. That's how she fools herself.

(Severus tries to fool himself, tries to tell himself that he loves her.

He doesn't.)

It's always after the really rough, emotionless sex that he does this. His kisses are so passionate and filled with an emotion she can't describe, and they leave her breathless and dizzy. He tastes so good and it feels so lovely to have his warm body pressing down on hers, making her crave more of him and his love, always his love. She makes a soft sound of pleasure against his lips, and he pulls away long enough to stare into her eyes. He leans down, pressing his lips to hers several more times, then gets off of her completely and stands up.

Cassi rolls over onto her side as he moves to get a shower, her eyes following his every movement, tracing every line of his body. She understands that he's much older than her. She understands everything he's going through. (She thinks she does, but she doesn't understand the way his heart twists every time he thinks of Albus, or when he looks into her emerald eyes and sees Lily reflected back at him. He can't understand it himself, why everything has to _hurt_ so much.)

"Get dressed."

It's the first thing he's said to her since dragging her into his room for sex, and it rips at Cassi's heart more than she can stand. She fights back her tears, taking her time in standing up and getting clothes on. She won't look at him again, not even when he comes out of the bathroom with only a towel wrapped around his waist. She pulls her robes back on and sits on his bed, waiting for her next instructions.

"You can leave."

(Stay, stay.)

Cassi nods mutely, gathering her robes up in her hands so she won't step on the bottoms, and heads out of his room. She drags her feet along the corridors to Ravenclaw tower, her heart as heavy as her steps. Why can't he love her like she does him? She feels like a silly school girl thinking about it (probably because she is) but she can't stop herself. Why would he kiss her like that if he didn't love her? She answers the riddle to the common room without really thinking about it, and slips upstairs to her bed. She collapses in it, staring at the ceiling.

She can feel a breakdown coming.

Even with the soft sounds of heavy breathing around her from the other girls, she can't calm herself. She can't stop the deluge of tears, can't find it in her to breathe evenly. It feels like something is ripping into her chest and devouring her heart, all the while laughing at her and her naïve thoughts. She's stupid to love a man so very far away, so out of her reach. Yes, she touches him every night. Yes, he seems to want to hold her after sex, even if only for a few seconds.

No, he has no true feelings for her.

Cassi tries to quiet herself; she doesn't want to wake up the other girls. She finally cries herself to sleep, clutching her pillow like it's _him._

The next morning is the same as any other. Cassi gets up much, much earlier than all of the others girls. She's already sitting in the common room doing the homework she should have done last night with an extra quill tucked behind her ear. Everyone avoids her. Ever since her servitude to Severus, they consider her an outcast, an enemy. They seem to think that she's suddenly a Death Eater, or a Dark Lord sympathizer.

Between her confused feelings for Severus and their hushed whispers behind her back, Cassi feels like she could jump into the Black Lake and drown away her agony. They pass by her, whispering as always, and she forces her attention on her paper and blinks away the burning tears.

That night, she's back in Severus's chambers, sitting on the bed with her knees drawn up to her chest. He's pacing the room, dragging his hand through his hair. She wants to reach out to him, wants to touch him and hold him so very badly, but she knows better. Whatever he's dealing with, she has no part of. She's not important – a mere toy.

(Severus could use her touch, wants badly for his feelings to change. He wants to love this young Ravenclaw who treats him like a god, but he can _never_ forget Lily, never.)

As if he's angry, he finally jerks her body into his, ripping her clothes off of her body like they're paper. She knows her body is his distraction, his way of forgetting everything. (He only sees her eyes when he shags her. They're emerald, so, so emerald. It hurts.)

Cassi knows she can wish and want and dream for the rest of her life. She knows she can try her hardest to make him love her, can fight to make him _see._ She can try, but she also knows all she'll get is heartbreak. The man doesn't love her, and never will, and she'll never know _why._

Want.

(Want.)

Wish.

(Wish.)

Dream.

(Dream.)

_Need._

* * *

><p>Another little oneshot I wrote not too long ago for a heartbreak contest. :) Harry Potter is not mine, and neither is the delicious Severus Snape. Cassiopeia is mine, however, and so is this plot.<p>

Reviews are sunshine and rainbows and unicorns and all things good in the world. 3


End file.
